I found this poem tucked away in a journal, something I wrote about 2 years ago as I was struggling with my last job in advertising. What strikes me in that I was already using intuition as my guide, as I struggled to make sense of what didn’t fit about the job.
“A ‘no’ is as blessed as a ‘yes’.
I know just how I got here
in part, ego.
Part re-living the past, part promise.
but, my choice
my two feet
I signed the acceptance letter
researched the commute
planned to use the time on BART with my shiny new iPad
I bought into the false dreams
This hectic-ness is all mine.
I was stuck in an odd “season”; I had left several jobs being able to identify why each one was a poor fit for me, but I couldn’t easily identify what I was looking for, or what kind of work would be a better fit. I can see now that I was in denial over the fact that my heart wanted to move on, on to something closer to retreat leading, closer to … coaching. This denial led me to a job full of old friends, full of work I used to love, and yet I dreaded going in every single day. It sucked.
At the time, I didn’t have the tools or the confidence to fully figure out what I wanted to do, and so I started by listening to my gut, working with a creative career coach, and finding a new job. I had been so busy, so hectic, that I had no energy to focus on me, on my needs. But my gut proved right, and my new job has been a good place to spread my wings and figure things out.
Intuition kicks in, sometimes leading us before we even know the words or can formulate a sentence that might help explain the change we seek. I’ve discovered through becoming a coach, that I have a strong sense of intuition if I would only stop and take notice of it. My gut and my heart give me a lot to go on, which is super interesting (and fun!) when working with a client (because that’s when I’m brave enough to give it full voice). With myself, though, I am learning to listen, to tune in, to believe, to trust. It’s not easy.
Over the past nine months, in studying to be a life coach, I’ve loved working with people who are determined to get “unstuck.” They know something isn’t quite right, and they courageously dive in to transition and transformation because it is the only thing they can do. It’s an honor and a privilege to do this work with clients, knowing how hard it is, knowing how confusing it can be, but having the faith together that it will all work out in the end.
A special thanks to Jenna Kaufmann of sipbitego.com for the lovely image featured in this post.